the death of eddy noble

here lies eddy noble. he saved the world. a lot.

2005-03-22T23:44:02Z

you can't imagine how many vampires i've actually dusted or how many demons i've actually killed. those things that live on fear, doubt, blood, that go bump in the night. i am indeed the thing that they fear. i am the thing that "bumps back". i do in fact know what lurks in your closet, because it is my destiny to destroy it. i am the chosen one, because i am not perfect. i am the greatest peace you will ever know, because i am the greatest pain you will ever fear. yes, a paradox. but it is not just okay... it is my calling."i walk a lonely road... the only one that i have ever known...
don't know where it goes... but it's only me and i walk alone..."

"night is my companion, and solitude my guide...
would i spend forever here... and not be satisfied?"
glorificus, however, ~~was~~ is not a demon. no. much like caleb, glory ~~was~~ is far too powerful to have to hide herself... far too powerful to only come out at night or to merely lurk in closets. glory ~~was~~ is a god. those gods are funny things they are. because as powerful as they are, they need us to survive. we are nothing more than just weak little people, yet, without us, they would simply fade away. powerless to save themselves. it's because of this that i never saw glory kill anyone. instead, she ~~was~~ is going around and stealing everyone's sanity. and for the longest time, i never understood why. that is, of course, until now. glory stole the voice of someone i love.

when it comes to vamps and demons, the truth is that scoobies are more than capable to deal. the only question ~~was~~ is how long it will take for them to acknowledge their true power. but the chosen will forever still be needed. always. because there are forces out there that wield power you can't even begin to imagine. yes, glory stole the voice of someone i love. and now, i'm out for god blood.

this journal is over. the end.

i told you i wasn't interesting

2005-03-22T01:07:30Z

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Low
Narcissistic:	Low
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

continuation of tori sarah

2005-03-21T07:54:16Z

Bliss

You're a thinker, you like do to things on your
own...you've been wondering how mcuh freedom of
your own do you have, and testing those
boundries.

What Tori Amos Song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

new layout

2005-03-21T01:18:03Z

i brought my layout back to willaraville (chose 5.19 'tough love'). comments? i want to leave it like this and just move onto my new journal. but i wonder if 5.22 'the gift' would be more fitting. you know, for 'the death of eddy noble'. =/

8.01 (page 192)

2005-03-20T04:09:14Z

He said the dead had souls, but when I asked him
How that could be---I thought the dead were souls,
He broke my trance. Don't that make you suspicious
That there's something the dead are keeping back?
Yes, there's something the dead are keeping back.

- Robert Frost, "Two Witches"

random notes & quotes

2005-03-18T22:29:51Z

• i still haven't written about the end of my reoccuring dream. i promised myself i'd write it over two weeks ago. such is life. at least the dream i still need to write about is still quite vivid in my head.

• andy tried to pick a fight in asian_pride last night. okay, not a fightfight, but people read what they want to read, you know? but anyway, it was just frickin hilarious. andy msn'd me something rather vague about people getting upset at him in this asian community, and i was like "i'm on the way" and he was all like "okay, the name of the community is... oh... nevermind... i see your posts". haha * feels proud *

• speaking of andy, he is SUCH an lj invader, everyone reading this should go and invade his journal and tell him how rude he is. or, at the very least, steal his secrets to the strawberry-cinammon pancakes. =)

• i do enjoy practicing my magicks on people. i found perseph a fanfic she forgot she wrote (i don't know how many) years ago; before he could blink, i was already backing andy up in a community that i didn't even know existed two seconds earlier; and i found a way to continue a conversation with nat that we put on hold over a year ago (fourteen months, but who's counting? *wink*)... but i'm still uncomfortable with the label of 'charmer'... i think i prefer 'lurker'. ;)

• i have also discovered that i am a quotemancer. and even scarier, there's other people on lj that try to teach buffyology.

• i've finally decided (i think) on a willara scene to base my new banner on. i think i'm going with 5.19, when willow finds tara at the world's fair. because it breaks my heart to think of the mental baggage that is haunting two of my dearest fellow willara shippers (willow_fans unite).

• is it just me, or are the burger king veggie burgers reallyreally good??

• i was recently asking joss why he decided to use fiction to teach us the most important lessons in life. you know, i was curious as to why he didn't like, go door to door distributing the bible or selling copies of the watchtower (or, 'the watch[ers]tower' as i imagine he would've have named it)... and he just told me to watch 'storyteller' again...

buffy : "stop it!"

andrew: "i, was just..."

buffy : "NO MORE."

andrew: "but... i just i... just, want the world to SEE what you do."

buffy : "what i do... is TOO IMPORTANT to show the world."

more than i can handle

2005-03-18T04:10:24Z

"what are you gonna do, b, kill me? you become me. you're not ready for that..."
- faith, 3.17 "enemies"
i didn't even bother to try and put together something eloquent or poetic or charming to grab your attention. this will make sense to my target audience, and right now, in 'this' world, and 'this' entry, that's all that matters.

so, dear champion of the people, how have you been these past few days? feel free to use buffy examples if you wish... they don't (necessarily) need to relate to each other... what matters is that they relate to you...

metaphor this :
i. buffy : i never knew you had so much rage in you

"why, faith? what's in it for you?"

"what isn't? you know, i come to sunnydale. i'm the slayer. i do my job kicking ass better than anyone. what do i hear about everywhere i go? buffy. so i slay, i behave, i do the good little girl routine. and who's everybody thank? buffy."

"it's not my fault."

"everybody always asks, why can't you be more like buffy? but did anyone ever ask if you could be more like me??" ... "you get the watcher. you get the mom. you get the little scooby gang. what do I get? jack squat. this is supposed to be my town!"

"faith, listen to me..."

"why? so you can impart some special buffy wisdom?? is that it? do you think you're better than me? do you?!? say it, you think you're better than me."

"i am. always have been."

ii. willow : you hate it here as much as i do

"you're attacking the people who love you now?"

"only the ones in my way."

"that's not... you need help."

"i'm doing fine on my own, thanks."

"dawn... get out of here... GO!"

"don't. we're all friends."

"willow, i know what you want to do, but you have to listen to me: the forces inside you are incredibly powerful. they're strong, but you're stronger. you HAVE to remember you're still willow."

"let me tell you something about willow. she's a loser. and she always has been. people picked on willow in junior high school, high school, up until college... with her stupid mousy ways... and now... willow's a junkie."

"i can help."

"the only thing willow was ever good for... the only thing i had going for me, were the moments... just moments... when tara would look at me and i was wonderful. and that will never happen again."

"i know this hurts, bad... but willow, if you let loose with the magicks now, it'll never end."

"promise?"

"you don't want that."

"why not?"

"because you'll lose everything. your friends, your self... willow, if you let this control you, then the world goes away. and all of us with it. there's so much to live for. will, there's too much..."

"please!! this is your pitch? buffy, YOU hate it here as much as I do. i'm just more honest about it."

"that's not true."

i'm really not a duck

2005-03-18T01:40:05Z

seriously, i'm not a duck. i signed into my brand new messenger account just now and saw the sweetest thing. well... erm... it is if you're a total nerd. i don't like people stealing glimpses of my windows desktop. so don't look.

happy green day

2005-03-17T20:23:54Z

i've been listening to them a lot lately, so why not? =)

strawberries & cinammon

2005-03-17T05:44:57Z

today was okay. i got no work or reading done. but it's okay. there ~~was~~ is, of course, the usual white noise in my head. but i'd be lying if there wasn't any good distractions.

andy came over today with his first attempt at strawberry cinammon pancakes. and for something made from scratch and inspired without anything lame like a recipe, they were incredible. better than any pancake i'd ever made from scratch or from aunt jemima mix (let's keep this little pancake inferiority between us. lol). little brandon and little andrew had some, but i think my mother and i enjoyed them the most. =)

still there was head noise, but persephone and i played icon_mancing for a while. and i felt better. she and ~lara~ are so cool with the distraction thinger. i am grateful they chose lj.

and then nat showed up, i was SO HAPPY to hear that her day at the office was not broken. because i will never forget what it was like to be employed there, and it's incredibly hard to not worry about someone you love when you simply cannot be there to give them that real hug or make them that real cup of tea.

overall, i would give today a score of 6.5. sorry about the lame entry. goodnight.

"and i forgot"

2005-03-17T01:17:02Z

"...you know, so you stand in front of the mirror and you work up all these really eloquent and poetic things you're gonna say when you finally bump into them and... and then all of sudden, one day, there they are, right in front you... and... you can't say a thing. and then the light changes, and they're gone... and you never got to say what you so badly wanted to say..."

- sarah mclachlan, mirrorball dvd

"i so tired"

2005-03-16T08:56:53Z

i have these really long entries to write and a novel to plan and old sites to update and new sites to build and photoshopping that needs to be photoshopped and lj conversations that need to be invaded and seemingly endless potentials that need more training before 7x22. erm... maybe you should ignore that last part. but to make it worse, i was mentally working on four different heartfelt emails ~~most of the~~ all day in my head. but, as usual, they'll have to wait for another day. i so tired (please don't think it's because i don't care).

[ i did, however, get deeper into american god's, which i am VERY happy about. ]

in my last check before bed i noticed another silly quiz thinger from brokenmirror84. although i don't post any myself, i still find them very cute. even though they are often wrong (and have worse spelling and grammar than i do. lol), but i saw hers and i thought it might make me look all cool if i could post the same result. but in my first try i got a different result. and for some reason it bothered me. i didn't really like it. i was going for ideal lover and got... charmer??? erm... bleh.

Your Seduction Style: The Charmer

You're a master at intimate conversation and verbal enticement.
You seduce with words, by getting people to open up to you.
By establishing this deep connection quickly, people feel under your power.
And then you've got them exactly where you want them!

What Is Your Seduction Style?

wallychamp strikes again

2005-03-15T21:09:31Z

k, so i'm already itching for a new lj banner. don't get me wrong, i am SO still into the frillow concept. but i just want a new banner. i wouldn't mind suggestions for characters, that... umm... aren't from the L word (until i get to watch. ha!).

tap into the water, try to bring my share

2005-03-15T18:53:41Z

this is so sad, because the world really was almost okay there for a moment. and now i'm noticing that some people can't help but resent you when you seem happy. what a fucking shame. even members of your own family or some of your closer friends might start 'acting different' toward you because they think your life is so beautiful and perfect while their's is still in toilet. in some cases, they'll even do what they can to try and bring you 'back' down. i have no time for this, i really don't.

because the world is on fire, it is more than i can handle, but i do tap into the water and try to bring my share. because the world is worth saving. and there's people behind me that i can help protect from the fire. and, of course, there's people standing RIGHT BESIDE me, bringing their share to try and put out the impossible. but if you look at a little patch that i managed to successfully put out, and it makes you so jealous that you want to drop your water bucket and just JUMP INTO the flames... or maybe drop your bucket and just walk away from the fight... i'm not going to follow you. because i'm too busy fighting alongside the people i want to fight with. the people that look at the world and feel sad because they cannot give MORE than they already have.

i'm sorry if all you can think about is what this world owes YOU. but i wouldn't be much a champ if i turn my back on you people. you know where to find me, where to find us. we're at the battlefront, just trying to bring our share.

[ did you know: sarah's 'angel' was actually inspired by a documentary about a heroin addict? ]

maybe iLarm sounds better?

2005-03-14T14:23:51Z

so i made this really nice lj banner for her, and i sent it, and i felt all proud. but then she sends me a copy of the banner she was working on, and it made me feel all photoshop-rookie like. heh. but at least i have an excuse, no one ever taught me how to use the bugger. so i guess i should just be glad that i'm not getting laughed at (that much).

i am a far bigger nerd than you think. i have no alarm clock. really. the only alarm clock i ever had died like, too long ago to remember. then i used my pager for a while, until i got too cheap to buy batteries anymore. ha. so a while ago i wrote this simple program called eLarm, that would repeat any pleasant or annoying sound i desired at any specified time on my pc until stopped or snoozed. and THAT is my alarm. and it WORKS. hehe. i'd love to hear a story more nerdy+ghetto ~~then~~ than that. lmao.

just a letter, from afterglow

2005-03-14T01:17:19Z

your love in all it's finery
tear up the darkness all around me
until i can breathe again... until i believe again

'cause i'm a train wreck... waiting to happen
waiting for someone to come pick me up off the tracks
a wild fire born of frustration
born of a world, oh, that gets me so high...

i've no fear at all

but your eyes like midnight fireflies
light up the trenches where my heart lies
until i can see again... find my way back again

'cause i'm a train wreck... waiting to happen
waiting for someone to come pick me up off the tracks
a wild fire born of frustration
born of the one love that gets me so high...

i've no fear at all

to fall so deep into you... loose myself completely
in your sweet embrace... all my pain's erased

from your mouth, it's all that i wish
mercy of your lips, just one kiss
until i can breathe again... until i can sing again

'cause i'm a train wreck... waiting to happen
waiting for someone to come pick me up off the tracks
a wild fire born of frustration
born of the one love that gets me so high...

i've no fear at all

to fall so deep into you... loose myself completely
in your sweet embrace...

...all my pain's erased

- sarah mclachlan, "trainwreck"

pinch of k's choice (don't read on)

2005-03-13T19:15:37Z

look at you, how well you´ve done so far
look at where you're standing... who you are
and all our moments, good and bad, forever in my head
wish we could go back just once and laugh at things we said

it´s been wonderful and crazy knowing you
and i hope that i can always see
the teenage girl in you
and i know that you´ll be fine, but i´ll be there everytime
you need someone to say hi to late at night

remember how i told you i was scared
you´d end up with some jerk, who doesn´t even know you´re there
but deep down i just knew that you would find someone who´s real
and doesn´t claim to know exactly everything you feel

sometimes when i think of us i´m sad
i miss not knowing anything of what could lie ahead
but mostly now, i'm greatful that you're where you want to be
not quite here, and not quite there, but somewhere in between

it´s been wonderful and crazy knowing you
and i hope that i can always see
the teenage girl in you
and i know that you´ll be fine, but i´ll be there everytime
you need someone to complain to late at night...

- sarah bettens, "someone to say hi to"

too much to write

2005-03-13T05:27:11Z

i was downstairs making orange juice earlier and i got struck with this indescribable yet unmistakable feeling of horror. like... something very bad was happening or had recently happened to someone i care about. i hate this feeling. this one is INCREDIBLY bad. i... i don't know what to (do) say... or write. maybe i just need to get some (seemingly) insignicant good news or i just need to hear...err... read, a funny lj comment or something. damn me. damn this feeling.

i'm shopping for a new lj username. as, well, eddy noble doesn't really exist anymore. my name's ty anyway. =/ but it occurs to me that i would then be giving YOU the perfect chance to be rid of me once and for all. ha. would you add my new username? i wonder. seriously.

[L] hasn't returned any of my emails or msgs in over two weeks now. i am the world's most horrible person. i don't even know if i deserve any lj friends (do i?). i wish someone would tell me it's okay (even though it's not).

"we are pushed and shoved by the butterflies"

i'm not a perfect person
there's many things i wish i didn't do
but i continue learning
i never meant to do those things to you
and so i have to say before i go
that i just want you to know...

i've found a reason for me...
to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new... and the reason is you

i'm sorry that i hurt you
it's something i must live with everyday
and all the pain i put you through
i wish that i could take it all away
and be the one who catches all your tears
that's why i need you to hear...

i've found a reason for me
to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new... and the reason is you

i'm not a perfect person
i never meant to do those things to you
and so i have to say before i go
that i just want you to know

i've found a reason for me
to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new... and the reason is you

</b>i've found a reason to show... a side of me you didn't know
a reason for all that i do... and the reason is you

- hoobastank, "the reason"

frillow tree

2005-03-11T14:03:27Z

made my first frillow banner slash layout. i hope people like it! i think it's lovely! =)

mathematical aptitude

2005-03-11T06:06:52Z

i guess it's pretty funny that i was recently helping spokensilent refresh himself with math, as his entrance tests for humber are coming up... and then i witness kennedy save willow in "killer in me", which, i still need to bring up in willow_fans... but as i'm thinking of how to do that (*glances at bullet-proof vest*), artemisofluna accidentally mixes math and willow for me. what a weird day...
Fred+Willow=Good Chemistry/Hot/Good couple

Willow+Kenndy=Ew/Gross/Bad/NO</blockquote>

case of the ex

2005-03-10T21:25:04Z

i think i'm going crazy... but i just saw 7x13 "killer in me" for the 'first' time and it hit me really hard inside (what else is new). i'm hating kennedy less now. i've even been hating riley less these days! *frowns* like, WTF is going on here? ugh. 7x07 and 7x13 are probably my favs of the season. *sniff*

i almost never ask anyone to 'guest blog' an entry. but this was just too good. my cheers go out to nate. a piece by from hedder_42 :

Well, the other night at my friend Nates house, we were just sitting around, playing games and having a rare Tuesday Halo night. Then my ex, Jake came over. He apparently wanted to get back together....
so he puts on this big ol scene, I am miserable without you, I was stupid for treating you like I did, blah blah. so then Nate steps in, he's heard enough crap from Jake. Nate is all fired up now. (I dont remember every word, so here I am trying) "Do you think I am going to sit here and let you talk all this bullshit to her? How dumb do I look? YOU'RE misearble without her, did you ever stop to notice HER? She was miserable WITH you! I gave her a freakin more expensive christmas present to her than you did! You got yours from the dollar store "I don't have that much money" "The fucking dollar store?! What is wrong with you? Is she worth a dollar to you?!" "Well no,but...""But nothing asshole. You weren't even fucking there to watch the ball drop on new years eve! She came to me crying the next day! She never could say anything to you, because she wanted to spare your feelings! You never even stopped to think about hers! You were just more worried about how your dick was feeling! So now, tell me, WHY the hell should she take you back?" So by then I am crying and Jake goes "look Nate, you made her cry" so I yell "No you fucktard! I am crying because all thats tru! you are so pathetic" Then Nate gets all up in Jakes face "I don't like it when people make my girl cry, I think you should get the fuck out." And Jake gets all threatening "What are you gonna do about it?" Then Al gets up in his face "What ever Nate doesnt do to you, I will" Then Jake was out. I just sat and cried on the floor for a while, and Nate held me.

morning breath

2005-03-10T10:53:42Z

please don't say i love you
those words touch me much too deeply
and they make my core tremble
don't think you realize the effect you have over me
please don't look at me like that
it just makes me want to make you near me, always

please don't kiss me so sweet
it makes me crave a thousand kisses to follow
and please don't touch me like that
makes every other embrace seem pale and shallow
and please don't come so close
it just makes me want to make you near me, always

please don't bring me flowers
they only whisper the sweet things you'd say
don't try to understand me
your hands already know too much anyway
it just makes me want to make you near me, always

and when you look in my eyes
please know my heart is in your hands
it's nothing that i understand, but when in your arms
you have complete power over me

so be gentle if you please, 'cause
your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth
and it makes me want to make you near me, always
your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth
and it makes me want to make you near me, always
i want to be near you, always
i want to be near you, always
i want to be near you, always

-jewel, "near you always"

eddy_noble @ 2005-03-10T04:15:00

2005-03-10T09:15:05Z

The 'Tempting Fate' meme:
1. Make an LJ-cut post with "DO NOT READ" as the text.
2. Do not select a 'mood' for this post.
3. If anyone clicks the cut, they are to comment and admit to doing so.
4. Anyone who reads this also has to do the same in THEIR journal, thus continuing the neverending madness.

world on fire

2005-03-10T03:30:23Z

i've been catching wind of a handful of possible new clients for my web design services. *keeps fingers crossed* well, those who know me in this wierd interweb thinger know that i don't really give out lj *kisses*, but i am a whore when it comes to lj *hugs*... and, of course, posting lyrics!

chasing glory will kill all of us slowly. *sighs* goodnight folks...

hearts are worn in these dark ages
you're not alone in this story's pages
the light has fallen amongst the living and the dying
and try to hold it in, yeah i try to hold it in

world's on fire, it's more than i can handle
tap into the water... try and bring my share
try to bring more... more than i can handle
bring it to the table... bring what i am able

i watch the heavens, but i find no calling
something i can do, to change what's coming
stay close to me, while the sky is falling
don't wanna be left alone, don't wanna be alone

world's on fire, it's more than i can handle
tap into the water... try and bring my share
try to bring more... more than i can handle
bring it to the table... bring what i am able

hearts break, hearts mend... love still hurts
visions clash, planes crash... still there's talk of
saving souls, still the cold... is closing in on us

we part the veil on our killer sun
stray from the straight line on this short run
the more we take, the less we become
a fortune of one, that means less for some

world's on fire, it's more than i can handle
tap into the water... try and bring my share
try to bring more... more than i can handle
bring it to the table... bring what i am able

- sarah mclachlan, "world on fire"

had a(nother) minute

2005-03-09T19:39:12Z

i'm crying everyone's tears
and there inside our private war
i died the night before
and all of these remnants of joy, and disaster...
what am i supposed to do?

i want to cook you a soup that warms your soul
but nothing would change, nothing would change at all
it's just a day that brings it all about
just another day... nothing's any good

dj's playing the same song
i have so much to do, i have to carry on
i wonder if this grief will ever let me go
i feel like... i am the king... of sorrow
yeah, the king of sorrow

i suppose i could just walk away
will i disappoint my future if i stay?
it's just a day that brings it all about
just another day... and nothing's any good

the dj's playing the same song
i have so much to do, i have to carry on
i wonder if this grief will ever let me go
i feel like... i am the king... of sorrow
yeah, the king of sorrow

i'm crying everyone's tears
i have already paid for all my future sins
there's nothing anyone can say... to take this away
it's just another day and nothing's any good

i'm the king... of sorrow
yeah, king of sorrow
the king of sorrow
yeah. king of sorrow

- sade, "king of sorrow"